Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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