Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
