I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
