Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
