I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
