just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
