I want to stick my p in your. b.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
