i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
