It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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