I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
