oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
