just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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