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I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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