still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
