I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
