Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize