I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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