I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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