Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So many bounce houses so little time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
