Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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