Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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