I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
