physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
false alarm, still single
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
