The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
