I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
