i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
