There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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