That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
