Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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