Say something about gay babies.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
