I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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