I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
