ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
