I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everyone says I win the strip club
my poor anus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
