i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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