I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
