i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
