She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
