Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
