I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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