I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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