I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this is an emotional support booty call
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
