Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
