we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
