yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
