i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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