Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
