Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
