Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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