You really coming over, don't trick.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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