i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
