but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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