Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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