I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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