my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I currently don't understand fingers.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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