What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
