I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
