So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
