I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
