i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
