I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
