genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
