you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
