Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
