she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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