do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
