saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
