:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
