i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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