Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
