Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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