I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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