Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
