I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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