my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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