We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
